Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
