one two three fourrrrnication!
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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