Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
My first STD was from a foam party
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
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