I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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