I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
