Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
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