I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
