dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
