the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
