I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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