I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
