ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
