i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
