discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
