Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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