how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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