so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
