you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
My vagina just recognized that song.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Randomize
