I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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