threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
