i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
