What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
