I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
