You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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