I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Randomize
