So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
