It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
