I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
