there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
