I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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