Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
