put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Randomize
