From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
