Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
