That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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