i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Randomize
