I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
