So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
