Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
