would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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