fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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