Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
