Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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