If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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