I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
