Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
