WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize