why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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