Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
MIDGETS
????
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize