Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize