Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
