Umm I'm too high to move.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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