'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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