wat bout pragnant strippers??
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
