Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize