he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
