Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
