We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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