wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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