Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Randomize
