You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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