I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
