if you like me you must not know who I am
I'm lost and stupid without you.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
