And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Life is so much better after having sex.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
