party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
