drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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