I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
