ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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