From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
