I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
