dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize