I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
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