The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize