I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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