all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
