the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
