Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
