She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Randomize
