Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
