the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
