i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize