I smell stomach acid.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize