She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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