He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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