im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
