IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Randomize
