here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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