i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
They have beer where we have blood.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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