things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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