im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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